“Daddy, you are a cheater!”
Little C is at the bathroom door, in his green snowman PJs. Dr. K, standing at the sink, stops brushing his teeth, furrows his brow and looks dumbstruck at our son.
“You’re a cheater, cheater, cheater!” Little C grins and jumps around, pudgy feet landing heavily on the bathroom tile, punctuating the allegation with each hop.
“Huh?” Dr. K splutters through a toothpaste-filled mouth.
“You ate bacon!” Little C giggles and runs out of the bathroom, Blankie raised high in the air like a kite trailing behind him.
“You’re out of the blog!” he yells from the bedroom as he leaps onto the bed, rolling around in 5-year-old glee.
Dr. K looks at me, toothbrush suspended in midair, as I gaze back from the other sink, head inclined, hand on hip, eyebrows raised. He leans over and spits out a mouthful of foam.
“I can’t believe he ratted me out,” he mumbles and wipes his mouth.
“Yep,” I respond, rolling my eyes and stalking into my closet.
My hubby took our youngest to Tim Horton’s for breakfast yesterday morning. (Maybe this is why we need to practice some clean eating at the Davis home?) When I picked up Little C from school at lunchtime he detailed their morning meal, so I had a heads up about Dr. K’s wee lapse. Apparently my dearest is going meatless and added-sugar-free with me. I will go 10 days without meat, plus 10 days fish-free, and then no dairy for the last seven days, winding up full-on vegan. Dr. K won’t go the whole nine yards but will press on meatless for 27 days in a show of solidarity. That is, if he can figure out what constitutes meat.
Check out the text I received midday:
That said, Dr. K’s eating better now than ever before because I’m actually cooking. Though, those things may be mutually exclusive. The first evening I made Sriracha Shrimp and Broccoli. Last night it was Sesame Seared Tuna Steaks. Tonight it’s Cauliflower Tots and Garlic Lemon Butter Salmon Trout, with Sugar-free Baked Apples for dessert (I left out the sugar). Thank God for Pinterest. (Check out the recipes I’m gathering at my27days).
As for my kids, when I ask if they want to eat vegetarian, they question whether chicken nuggets count. Hmm, wonder who they take after?
Did I mention two of them have fish allergies? I figure I better come clean before being awarded “Worst Mother of the Year” due to the sheer surplus of chicken of the sea in our house at present. Of course, I don’t feed them fish, and am careful about food prep and washing.
Here’s the full disclosure so you can appreciate the gravity of this undertaking:
My kids also have nut allergies, which is kind of a bummer for me (especially during the vegan portion). No nuts. No nut butter. No seeds that come into contact with nuts. No sweet snacks disguised as nuts. When you’re living without chocolate, bananas and almond butter might as well be an ice cream smothered brownie—but they are equally off-limits in our home. Soy butter? Insta-barf. To top it off, I eat gluten-free already so if you’re thinking: “She’ll just fill up on pasta and bread.” Wrong! Ever tried a gluten-free bagel? Yech.
Think I to need to meditate. Now.
My brother recommends Headspace. Jeez, there is an app for everything. Excuse me while I find a quiet space and have a one-way convo with a British guy who’s teaching me how to calm my mind, all the while streaming from a device that totally stresses me out. Go figure.