I’ve developed a really creepy habit of staring at people’s heads. It doesn’t matter who I’m talking to. I could be having a sit-down with Donald Trump. Despite all the crazy garbage that comes out of his mouth, I would be green-eyed gaga over that toupée. I am obsessed.
Everywhere I look, I see feathery, shiny tresses– and just want to touch them. So soft. I’m happy to show you my own gloppy locks, and explain how I am not really a dirty girl. It’s just that everyone else is a princess. Except me. I am the hag, who is seriously considering squid ink as hair dye. (That was Dr. K’s suggestion.)
This all sounds very self-absorbed and shallow but, hey, I never promised emotional depth. I’m not an educator, motivational speaker or your mama. No apologies here. If you don’t like it…. Just sayin’. Though I guess looking like crap has been liberating in some ways.
Turns out that motto of mine can flip-flop. If your hair looks like shit, it’s an endless corkscrew into the personal hygiene toilet. You don’t shave your legs, cut your toenails, remove old nailpolish, get a bikini wax (TMI!), floss as often, shower regularly, pluck your eyebrows, wear clean clothes, bother with makeup beyond mascara, apply Chapstick, have a pedi/mani? Are you kidding me! Why would you bother when your hair has been up in a topknot the consistency of a garlic bun every day for over almost 3 weeks. Ain’t no amount of prettiness gonna fix that. Might as well let it all go.
That said, I am slightly Type A and still determined to find a no ‘poo solution (“no shampoo” for those not up on the lingo).
I think I finally nail it with this routine:
- Wash with 1/2 cup coconut milk, 3 tbsp Castile soap, few drops vitamin E. Rinse.
- Apply 2 tbsp baking soda and 2 cups water combo. Comb through with a fine-tooth comb. Rinse.
- Mix 2 tbsp white vinegar, 1/2 cup green tea, 1/2 a cup rosemary infusion and 2 cups water. Dump on head. Comb through. Rinse.
- Hair seems half decent. I further the experiment by not using a hairdryer and sleeping with it wet.
Here’s another truism: A picture is worth a thousand words. I have been spending time Googling images of Survivor contestants. Seriously, these are the only people who go as long as I have without a proper hair wash. It’s all sea air and slat spray, right?
Are you f!@*%g kidding me?
Only eight days left ’til I am off this island.
Check out Allyson’s story at Fulfilled Homemaking and hear from someone who has the wherewithal to stick it out no ‘poo style. Or nah.