The morning rush.
My hair looks like a heap of hay. Stringy doesn’t even begin to describe it. The plan to let it “dry out” overnight doesn’t really work. I don’t think congealed oil “dries out.” Neither does it absorb. Shit, I’m late already. Kids start school at 8:15 am, it’s a 5-minute drive, but at 7:45 am I am hanging my head over the bathtub and rewashing. Rewash was not part of this Refresh, Reset, Redo concept.
Plan B: the back-up shampoo. Remember H2O with a dash of BS? Turns out BS is not entirely BS. Fifth-grade science class and a baking soda volcano come to mind. If baking soda can do that, surely it can give me “the softest hair ever!” as devotees have plastered all over the Net. Lo and behold, two doses and a double ACV wash later and I have passable hair. Stinky, but passable. The whole squirt-bottle thing needs to be revisited though because its takes an awful lot of squirting to coat shoulder length hair.
“What took so long?” My 11-year-old, Mason, inquires from the back seat.
“I had to rewash my hair. Mommy is having so much fun with this blog.”
Note to self: fiascos due to homemade cosmetics cause delays in normal routine.
“That stuff you keep putting on your face looks gross,” he replies.
Let me preface this by saying Mason doesn’t like most foods on sight. We tried to give him a giant pretzel when he was little and he acted as if we suggested he eat caviar-encrusted Brussels sprouts. I could be rubbing chocolate-covered Oreos on my face and he would be revolted.
“Mase, it’s all made from yummy food. I used honey and lemon this morning to wash my face.”
“Ew? It’s the same as those cough drops you always ask me for.”
“ So you washed your face with a cough drop? What’s that supposed to do? Why didn’t you just use water?”
Yes, why didn’t I? Well Mason, Mommy is having a mid-life crisis and needs the positive affirmation that comes with doing absurd things to yourself and posting them online so all your friends and family, and their friends and family, and total strangers, witness you making a fool out of yourself, trying to eke out attention so that you feel liked, and popular, and relevant, and….
“Can I tell my friends about your blog?”
After drop off, I meet my friend for a coffee. She is bent over her phone when I arrive.
She looks up. “Are you crazy?”
“Maybe,” I plop down in the seat opposite. “Just running on very little sleep and my hair stinks.”
She shakes her own head of healthy curls. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I am writing again….”
Honestly, that’s the best part about this whole thing. I am inspired again. I am excited again about something I do—not something my kids do, or my husband does, but something I do. I have hardly watched TV in a week and I am learning how to post and hashtag and pin Boards. I have taken selfies! I am actually in a picture–not the one holding the camera. Maybe that’s not such a good thing? When you reverse that little camera icon all kinds of grotesque distortions come into play.
“…and it’s been fun,” I finish the thought.
Despite the digital learning curve (thanks so much to my brother Temmy who designed the logo, taught me to create a Website and launched me into 2016 all in a very intensive two days), late nights at my mixology lab, the certainty of skin ruination (my face constantly feels like sandpaper dipped in goose fat), confusing my family, and smelling like fish and chips, I am growing.
I still think that food should be for internal consumption only and am not convinced that any of the variety of nourishing oils (grapeseed, olive, coconut, jojoba) are passing through my epidermis. They are sitting on top, all sheen and show, biding their time as cold, dry weather wreaks havoc. Unadulterated oils may work in the South Pacific where humidity hovers at steam-bath levels, but here in the Great White North their moisturizing powers are limited. As for the coconut milk, honey, lemon, salt, sugars, oatmeal, butters and essences I have been using — they make great desserts but so far I’m not convinced.
I need to step it up a level. I need to buy a recipe book.